Life Strategy – What Really Matters?

As you worked your way up the ranks of the corporate world, have you ever been told that you need to develop the skill of strategic thinking?  Many of my coaching clients have been told that by their boss.  The big question was always, “What does that mean and how do I do it? 

For people moving up the corporate ladder, it is often helpful to look at a comparison of Strategic Thinking and Tactical Thinking.  This helps them to see where they are and where they may want to go to be more “strategic” in their thinking.

Strategic Thinking                                     Tactical Thinking

Big Picture                                                    Little Picture or details

Broad Focus                                                 Immediate Focus

Goal Orientated                                            Task Oriented

Long Term                                                     Short Term

How to get there                                           What to do

With examples and discussion of these contrasts, people began to see the difference and what they could do in their work to become more strategic in their thinking and “doing”. 

What about using strategic thinking in your life? 

It’s actually pretty simple to do if you step back and look at it. When faced with a challenge or opportunity, look at the “Big Picture” of strategic thinking and ask, “What Really Matters in this situation?”  Then go deeper, “What’s important?”  “What do I really want?”  It’s helpful to go deeper, “peel the onion”, and keep asking the questions to the answers that first come out because often the true reason why you want to do something is not the reason that first pops up.  Understanding your true motivation and what really matters to you is what keeps you focused and moving forward to achieve what you want. 

So the next time you are challenged or struggling with something, ask yourself, “What really matters in this situation?”  Then write it down somewhere you can easily see it.  When you start to worry, get side tracked or lost in the details, look at the note to remind you of what really matters to you about the situation.  Keep focused on the Big Picture and you’ll be amazed how things begin to fall in place!

The fine art of listening

In the last two posts, I stated that most people haven’t learned the most basic rules of simply getting along. In every organization we’ve worked with, there have been unspoken and un-dealt with issues that rob people of their desire to work closely with their co-workers. For true teamwork to occur, people have to learn three fundamental rules of effective human interaction: you must keep your files empty; you must learn to communicate appropriately; and you must learn to make it safe for the people in your life to communicate to you. When files are empty, what’s present is openness, intimacy and trust, the hallmarks of nurturing relationships.

I have already discussed the first two rules. So let’s get to the third rule: making it safe for the people in your life to communicate to you.

For most people, this is the hardest of the three rules. The simple reason for this is that whether we realize this or not, and mostly we don’t, people go through life with their attention on themselves and they really are only interested in what concerns them. It’s actually a sad state of affairs that most people, again without consciously realizing this, care very little about how others are feeling or doing. They’re so focused on their own perceived challenges, issues and problems, they hardly spend a moment thinking about other people. And this is the one consistent quality everyone who has ever had a lousy boss knows to be true.

So when someone talks to this kind of person, they immediately feel the need to either defend themself or explain their behavior. This defensive reaction completely shuts down the speaker, preventing any possibility of a file emptying, and usually an argument or confrontation is the result. Not only do we do this with the people we work with, but we do this in our personal relationships and even with our children.

Is there a solution? You bet. If you want to make it safe for the people in your life to communicate to you, the way to do this is to get your attention off of yourself and put in on the one who is speaking to you. Get over in their world and do your very best to get how whatever they are speaking about is for them. Really try and climb into their reality. You might even learn something about yourself in their communication.

Under no circumstances are you to respond in any way to what they’re saying. No explanation of your behavior and no justifications. To the contrary, what you want to say, if anything, is “thank you for telling me that” or “I’m sorry” or both. You would say the later thing if indeed what they say makes you sad, which is what “I’m sorry” means.

You want to encourage the other person to completely empty their “files” so you might also say “what else?” All during the process, don’t respond, don’t react, and don’t take what they say personally, even though it likely is quite personal.

Now you might think this is a set-up for something painful. After all, you’re going to sit and listen while somebody says all kinds of things about and to you, and all you get to do is thank them, perhaps say you’re sorry, and encourage them to say more. Rest assured there’s a good reason for being willing listen in this way. First, people have the experience of being heard, which is enormously satisfying and fulfilling. Second, it allows the speaker to empty his file. What’s in it for you is the rehabilitation of the relationship, which is something both parties want.

There are a number of stories of how this works in personal relationships, with management and other teams, and between co-workers in Chapter 14 of Unshackled Leadership. If you still don’t have a copy, you can get yours today at http://www.unshackledleadership.com/online-store/  

Leadership Strategy – Influencing Teams

Have you ever been on a team where people don’t get along and not much gets done? People begin to wonder, “Why bother?”  Morale and results go down, down, down.  Unfortunately, this happens all too often.  

Successful companies have teams of enthusiastic, optimistic, appreciative and happy people who work together on behalf of a future they have all committed themselves to.

When leading teams, what can you do to have a team that is motivated, happy, appreciative and productive?  

Here are some coaching tips for influencing teams:

Have a common vision.  We’ve talked before about the importance of a clearly articulated company vision.  It’s also important that each “team” have a common vision around what the team is to accomplish.  As a leader, get clarity on the front end what’s wanted on the back end. Help the team say focused on the big picture and how their “parts” fit in.

Create a team culture of “WE”. While individuals often do the “work”, it’s important for the team to think as a “WE” as team member and as part of the company, vs. everyone out for themselves.  Encourage the team to think and brainstorm possibilities for win/win solutions for team, company and clients.

Be clear and specific in your communications.  Get to the point, give headlines or key points and sub points, vs long convoluted stories. Stay focused.

Listen, really listen to others.

Be aware and flexible.  Vary your influence style to meet the needs of others or fit the situation.  Know your audience.  Look for points of agreement.

Be assertive, vs aggressive.  Strong leaders often need to take a stand and/or say things that are difficult to deliver or for others to hear.  Being assertive combines clear and direct communication with unconditional positive regard and concern for others.  Aggressive people speak up but without concern for others.  This limits team input and influence.  Where appropriate, be inclusive of others opinions.

Smile and have fun!  It’s contagious.

The art of effective communication

In the last week’s post, I stated that most people haven’t learned the most basic rules of simply getting along. In every organization we’ve worked with, there have been unspoken and un-dealt with issues that rob people of their desire to work closely with their co-workers. For true teamwork to occur, people have to learn three fundamental rules of effective human interaction: you must keep your files empty; you must learn to communicate appropriately; and you must learn to make it safe for the people in your life to communicate to you. When files are empty, what’s present is openness, intimacy and trust, the hallmarks of nurturing relationships.

Hopefully, the first rule of effective human interaction is self evident. When things between people aren’t working the way either would like, it’s critical for them to talk about it. So let’s get to the second rule: communicating appropriately.

What makes this difficult for most people is that when one is upset or disappointed with another, it always seems like the real issue is the behavior of the other. After all, if they would just operate the way we think they should, there wouldn’t be the problem. But that statement gets to the heart of the real issue. We want people to behave the way we want them to or the way we think they should. That fact is almost always hidden inside the upset or disappointment.

I’m asserting that essentially all of your issues with others really have nothing to do with them. All of your issues stem from your unwillingness to accept people just the way they are and just the way they are not. If you could learn to be gracious and compassionate and indeed allow people to be just the way they are, and not take any of their behavior personally, you could literally go the rest of your life and never be upset with another.

Having said that, there may still be instances where you are indeed disappointed and you do want to communicate your upset to another. But now, armed with the knowledge that the real issue is your unfulfilled expectations, you can learn to address the other using the following terminology:

My expectations of you that are unfulfilled are …

I’m disappointed with you or our relationship in that …

What I had intended for you or us that has not happened is …

Can you see that all of those ways of speaking are all about you and non-confrontational? This way of speaking effectively replaces the usual accusatory ways that most people speak to each other and actually opens the door to getting issues resolved. Try this the next time you need to communicate to another and see for yourself.

The other half of communicating appropriately is the manner in which you speak. Understanding that there is another human being on the other side of your communication, it is essential that you speak with respect, with compassion and without being righteous. If you’re righteous, you’ll leave the other person feeling like you’re making them wrong and that will surely evoke a response.

Remain calm, be open and honest, and say exactly what you want to say without trying to sugar coat it. Listeners actually find it annoying when they feel you are trying to protect their feelings by being “nice.” Continue to talk about yourself and how you feel and let go of what you think the outcome will be. It will be whatever it is meant to be and you have to just trust the process.

To be continued. In the meantime, this is all explained in detail in Chapter 14 of Unshackled Leadership. Get your copy today at http://www.unshackledleadership.com/online-store/  

Teamwork is a key to success

In the last weeks posts, I reported on the results of the latest Gallup poll which found that only 30% of the 100 million people in America who hold full-time jobs are “actively engaged, or involved in, enthusiastic about, and committed to their workplace.” 50 million, a full 50% of American workers, are “not engaged” and are going through the motions at work and about 20 million are “actively disengaged,” hate going to work, and undermine their companies with their attitude, according to the report.

Given this reality, I said I was going to write a series of articles on why this is the case and what you can start doing immediately to make sure this does not continue in your company because statistically, 7 out of 10 of your workers are not actively engaged.

In addition to the reasons I’ve written about the last two weeks, another big reason is the lack of teamwork. In order to appreciate the importance of this factor, consider our definition of a successful organization: a group of enthusiastic, confident, optimistic, appreciative and happy people who work together on behalf of a future they have all committed themselves to. (This definition is in the first paragraph of the introduction to Unshackled Leadership http://www.unshackledleadership.com/online-store/ )

Without a high degree of teamwork, there’s no possibility of people effectively working together. And what’s a major reason for the lack of teamwork? Most people haven’t learned the most basic rules of simply getting along. In every organization we’ve worked with, there have been unspoken and un-dealt with issues that rob people of their desire to work closely with their co-workers.

Human beings go into all relationships with expectations. It’s just human nature. Since it’s unreasonable and unrealistic for others to always live up to our expectations, what’s inevitable is that sooner or later, our expectations will be unfulfilled and we will be disappointed.

So far, no real problem. The problem occurs because we don’t communicate our disappointments and instead, file them away in the bottomless metaphorical file cabinet we all carry. The reason for this is simple: it’s scary business to communicate upsets and disappointments and the only model most have been given is one of confrontation. I know you’ve all ended up in shouting matches at one time or another.

For true teamwork to occur, people have to learn three fundamental rules of effective human interaction: you must keep your files empty; you must learn to communicate appropriately; and you must learn to make it safe for the people in your life to communicate to you. When files are empty, what’s present is openness, intimacy and trust, the hallmarks of nurturing relationships.

In the next couple of posts, I’ll explore in greater detail the above rules. But if you want to get a head start, it’s all explained in detail in Chapter 14 of Unshackled Leadership. Get your copy today at http://www.unshackledleadership.com/online-store/