This program starts with the question “How many of you would like to come to work and have the same work environment as on a championship sports team?” and everyone answers in the affirmative. Then I ask “How many of you have that?” and what I get is a lot of chuckles because nobody does. It’s a rather crazy way we live our lives. Everyone wants a winning atmosphere at work but mostly nobody has it.

There is a reason. I’m sure you’ve heard the terms codependent and dysfunctional family. What’s missed in that discussion is that we have all grown up in dysfunctional families, we have a dysfunctional world. We were brought up with criticism, punishment and a lack of respect. The consequence of that is we learn to question our worth and value.

So we go to work, wanting some acknowledgement, appreciation, and respect but because everyone else is looking for the same thing, people don’t give it to each other. And that’s the problem.

But as a leader or manager, you can change that. People will treat others the way they are treated. If you treat them with disrespect, they will get even. But if you treat them well, they can and will shine. So what does treating them well look like. The rest of this program describes that in great detail. The highlights are as follows:

1. Get really interested in the people you work with. People are interested in themselves and what they want is for you to be interested in them. Dale Carnegie says we have mastered the art of being interesting. Now, can we master the art of being interested. Our job as managers is to seriously get genuinely interested in all of the people we work with.

2. Look for the gold in people. Yes you can find things to criticize people about but you can also find the goodness in people. Your success as a leader and manager really depends on your willingness to look for the later.

3. Be about service. As an employer, your attitude should be that you work for people not that they work for you.

4. Don’t take things personally. When people get upset, they always think they know why but they never do. Upsets are mostly irrational so don’t take them personally.

5. Instead, listen with compassion. That means to listen with a deep appreciation of the other person’s feelings and experience.

6. Just get their communication. Don’t react, don’t justify your behavior and don’t defend yourself. People just want to be heard and you can do this.

7. Don’t make up bad stuff about people because then that’s who they become for you. Instead, recognize that people are always doing the best they know how with the tools they have available to them.

8. When people are upset and complain, it is usually because they are committed to something and it’s not happening. So instead of making them wrong, listen for their commitment.

9. When it’s your turn to speak, be responsible. Don’t accuse. Speak about the way it is for you. Stay on your side.

10. Learn to acknowledge people, not just for what they do but for who they are.

11. Express appreciation by thanking people for everything they do.

12. Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself so that you don’t walk around carrying a bunch of disappointments and upsets.