In this 45 - minute presentation, Scott explains that the reason why relationships are such a challenge is that human beings have simply not learned three important lessons. To understand what these lessons are, one must understand that all of us go into every relationship, whether in business or in our personal lives, with expectations and intentions. We have expectations about how the other person will be and how the relationship will be and we intend something to happen.

Given our expectations and/or our intentions will hardly ever be fully met, unfulfilled expectations and thwarted intentions are predictable, leaving us disappointed. This is not something that can be easily prevented, no matter how hard we try.

But the real problem is that we don't communicate the disappointments and that's when the deterioration of the relationship begins. When we don't communicate, we literally "file away" the grievance. As the "file" gets bigger and bigger, the person slowly but surely turns into an enemy.

To prevent this, as this lecture explains, we must learn to:

• Keep our "files" empty
• Communicate appropriately
• Make it safe for others to communicate to us

While these three steps seem simple enough, they require a great understanding and skill if the relationship is going to stay healthy. Keeping our "files" empty simply requires a commitment to communicate upsets and disappointments and not be stopped by fear, which is what the culprit in most cases.

Communicating appropriately involves taking responsibility for your disappointment and not making the other person wrong or the source of your upset. It involves saying things like: My expectations of you are unfulfilled because … or I am disappointed in you because of …. In each case, you are not accusing or attacking the other, but speaking about how it is for you.

Making it safe for others to communicate to you involves listening with compassion and not interrupting another when they are speaking to you. It means not getting defensive or taking what another says to you personally. Most importantly, it means not explaining or justifying your behavior but just listening without comment. The only appropriate response is to say "thank you" and/or "I'm sorry" and nothing else.

When files are emptied, this program also explains the nature of and the importance of apologizing and forgiveness. Not something most people are very good at but critically important if you want to have rich, meaningful, quality and lasting relationships.