Bowl of Cherries or the Pits?

For those of you who are regular readers of The Coach's Corner or this blog, you know that rather than being concerned with what is right or wrong, what is good or bad, or what is positive or negative, we focus our attention on what is effective and what works. After all, in the final analysis, who really cares whether you are right or wrong as long as you have what you want. This quest to discover what works has led us to a rather startling conclusion: the process of getting what you want is far simpler than it would appear.

The metaphor that seems most revealing is to consider life as a bowl of fruit where the fruit represents the things in life that you want -- whether they be material possessions, happiness, satisfaction, fulfillment or the like. Our universe provides the fruit and it seems to do that exceptionally well. In fact, you could say that there is an unlimited quantity of fruit, certainly enough to keep all of our appetites satisfied for a lifetime.

If you look at the world more closely, you can see that there are many people who have an abundance of "fruit." It is equally true that many find themselves lacking. What makes the difference? The answer is simple. There really is an abundance of fruit for all of us, but how much each of us obtains is determined by only two things: the first is the size of your bowl; and the second is how much space in your bowl is taken up by extraneous things which do not allow room for fruit.

What we have been sharing with our clients, as they consider this new year, is that the work to be done in 2008-2009 is really quite simple. If you want to have more of the things that you want in life, what you need to work on is only two things: making the size of your bowl bigger and eliminating extraneous things from your bowl that are taking up space.

Expanding the Possibilities

While not discussed in these terms, our article entitled Where Are We Going Anyway? is about how to make your bowl bigger. The size of your bowl is directly a function of the paradigm in which you live. If you live in a fear/scarcity-based paradigm, you will, by definition, have a very small bowl. If you live in an optimism/faith/trust/abundance-based paradigm, you will have a very large bowl. Being positive is the secret of success of every truly successful human being. You cannot produce abundance with scarcity thinking. You can only be truly abundant if you are willing to come from abundance, and coming from abundance means learning to trust that there will always be enough and to expect the best. Learning to expect the best will dramatically increase the number of times that the best occurs.

Emptying Your Bowl

Creating space in your bowl is done simply and most effectively by learning to be complete. Human beings have the potential, at every moment, to be complete with their past, but often choose unconsciously not to be. Let`s explore the phenomenon of being complete.

We, as human beings, are fundamentally designed to experience and express. Watch a child in action. Everything they experience they express. When they are happy, they laugh. When they are sad, they cry. Whatever they experience, they express and that completes the process.

Unfortunately, we are taught at a very early age to suppress our expression. We are told things like, "children should be seen and not heard," "little boys shouldn`t cry," "if you don`t have anything good to say, don`t say anything at all," and it goes on and on. So, we get into the habit, early in life, of not completing the process of experiencing and expressing. It is not healthy to suppress a natural process. So, the first part of being complete is to learn to complete the process of experiencing and expressing.

The second part is to learn to let go of things. All kinds of things happen to us which we are not happy about, but rather than letting go of them, we tend to hold on to them. We have often said to clients that you have the choice to either be right or be happy. Unfortunately, people think that they get to be happy by being right. That is not true. Those choices are mutually exclusive. If you want to be happy, you need to give up your need to be right. This ultimately means that you learn to forgive, both yourself and others, for the things that happen in life that you do not like.

True forgiveness requires giving up resentment and the desire to punish; it necessitates pardon, the cessation of anger and the ability to overlook. Forgiveness literally means "to give as before."

For your own sanity, it is critically important to forgive others and yourself. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself and to another. Through the act of forgiveness, by giving up resentment and the right to punish, you are left with serenity, freedom and peace of mind.

Try This Exercise

To empty your bowl and make room for good things to happen in 2008, try this exercise with your team members. We have done this many times at the beginning of the new year with our clients, always with spectacular results.

First, in a group, have everyone acknowledge their accomplishments for 2007. There is no room in this discussion for any "yeah, buts" or "if onlys," just acknowledgement of accomplishments. As a second aspect of this first part of the process, have everyone acknowledge what occurred in 2007 that was a source of pleasure.

Then have everybody express their disappointments, unfulfilled expectations, thwarted intentions and sources of displeasure in 2007. It is really important that everyone express everything, using the tools we discuss in the above mentioned article entitled Where Are We Going Anyway? This completes the process of experiencing and expressing.

The next question for everyone is: "Who do you need to forgive and for what?" It is crucial that people be willing to forgive themselves and each other for whatever happened. To the extent that people are not willing to forgive is the degree to which unforgiven acts stay in their bowl, taking up space that could be filled with the wonderful things they want.

The subsequent question is: "Who do you need to thank and for what?" When we do this in a group it is usually the most inspiring part of the process, as people go around the room and thank each other for all of the wonderful things that happened during the year. By the way, don`t forget to also thank yourself.

The next question simply is: "Is there anything else you need to say about 2007 in order to be complete?" If you just ask yourself each of these questions, what is there will immediately come to light. You do not have to search through your mind or struggle with the process. Whatever is necessary to be said will be readily apparent.

Finally, completion is one of those phenomenons that lives only in language. In other words, the only way you can be truly complete with something is to declare yourself complete. So, after you have spoken your accomplishments, your disappointments, forgiven and thanked people and said anything else you need to say about 2007, the next step is simply to declare yourself complete.

At a retreat, as the owners of a company completed the process, you could sense that they had created more space in their bowl for the greater abundance they all desired. At the end, one of the owners analogized the process to a session with a chiropractor. He said he could see that during the year, he and his co-owners had gotten out of adjustment, and that participating in this process together allowed them to get back in alignment.

This process is done very effectively in a group, and it can also be done by you as an individual at any time you want to be complete with something.

In summary, completion is a function of a willingness to be complete, a willingness to express that which you experience, and a willingness to forgive and let go. With regard to anything you are not complete with, as in a relationship from the past, simply express what there was about the relationship that was a source of pleasure, what there was that was a disappointment, who you need to forgive and for what, who you need to thank and for what, and whatever else you need to say in order to be complete. Then declare yourself complete.

Every time you do this process, either individually or with a group of which you are a part, the effect is to take the pits out of your bowl and make room for wonderful, juicy, succulent new cherries. If you simultaneously work to make your bowl bigger by moving from the fear/scarcity paradigm to the trust/abundance paradigm, every year can become a year in which you have more and more of the good things in life.

If it is not already obvious, we at The Hunter Partnership Alliance are committed to supporting companies in having everything that they want. If there is any way that we can support you or your company in that, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Copyright 2006-2008 Scott Hunter

The Art of Being Outrageously Successful in Business Free Teleseminar

On this call, I laid out for everyone on the call exactly why people have what they have in their lives and why they don’t have what they don’t have.

We looked at the way we are programmed to think and I asked everyone a series of questions to begin to uncover the programming that is standing in the way of them having the things in life they want. It was quite eye opening for most people on the call.

Here's where you can post your thoughts and comments after listening to the recording of the call.

(and here's the link if you got here via the blog without hearing the call yet:
http://thpalliance.com/artofsuccessaudio )

The X Factor: Alignment

"It`s hard to celebrate individual accolades with the team and with people, with fans. It`s a lot better when you do it as a team, when you win things as a team, when you become champions as a team. Then everyone can feel some of the excitement that you feel."
--Michael Jordan, June 16, 1991

In order to have a successful business and, more importantly, a successful life, it is essential that you establish a powerful vision for yourself and your business`s future. A powerful vision serves as a source of inspiration for you and everyone else in your company, unleashing creativity, productivity and effectiveness. Without an inspiring vision, work quickly becomes exactly that - work - sapping people of their natural vitality and motivation, and leaving them feeling disempowered and resigned. No individual or organization can be effective under such circumstances.

A Vision of Service

In considering your vision, it is essential that the essence of it be service -- service to customers and clients, employees, owners and associates, and each other. Why is this critical? If you travel throughout this country and walk into companies on a random basis and ask employees what is the purpose of the company, the answer will frequently be to make money -- for the owners. Now that wouldn`t be bad if people were inspired by making money... for someone else.

It`s not even our experience that people are inspired by making money for themselves. So what does inspire people? After dealing with literally thousands of people over the last 16 years, we have become convinced that at our very essence is simply a desire to contribute and make a difference. And when you give people that opportunity, they can and will shine. Service to others brings out the best in people.

Furthermore, your customers are people, too.

Who they are interested in is themselves and they want you and your employees to be interested in them. People are very insightful. They always know where you`re coming from. Don`t you know where the waiter is coming from when you go into a restaurant for dinner? You just can`t fool people anymore. So, not only does having an organization oriented around service make your customers happy, it brings out the best in your employees.

After developing your vision, the next step is for your organization to be aligned with your vision in a powerful way. Alignment is a principle in life, just as much as gravity, which is the hidden and most significant factor that determines the success of an organization. What do we mean by this?

If you go into most organizations and look to see what the employees are individually committed to, you`ll discover that most people have their own agenda, are doing their own thing, and going in their own direction.

The principle of alignment says that if you want to know the direction in which the organization is going, and how fast it`s moving in that direction, then you need to add up all of the individual commitments.

You can readily see that with everyone having their own agenda, people will be going in different directions and some people`s commitments will cancel others. In other words, people are working against each other and the organization suffers.

Now imagine what would happen if everyone got committed to the same thing, taking their energy and using it on behalf of a common objective.  Now, instead of people working against each other, everyone will be adding their talents and contributions to everybody else`s. The result can be truly phenomenal.

If you`re curious about the word "alignment," it`s very different than "agreement."

It`s virtually impossible to get people to agree, since everyone has their own opinion to which they are entitled. It`s also virtually impossible, and therefore useless, to try to get people to change their minds and agree.

On the other hand, you can get people to align on a common objective, even if they have their own opinion and if they don`t agree with others. When you do get people to align, the outcome can be extraordinary.

Virtually every company that we speak with is concerned mostly with factors outside their control, such as the economy, the competition, changing corporate client policies, etc.

What companies don`t realize is that these factors are almost irrelevant to their success.

The critical success factor is the degree to which the people in the organization are in alignment. An organization with a group of aligned people is unstoppable. This is almost always the secret to the success of most sports teams. It`s not necessarily the team with the best talent or the best superstar that wins in the end, it`s the team that best evidences the principle of alignment.

The Secret of Great Leaders

How does this tie back to vision? We`ve looked at every possible way to get people in an organization to align. The only thing we`ve ever found that does it successfully is a powerful vision for the future.

This is the secret of every great leader. It is the secret of every great sports coach, every executive that has turned an organization around and every great historical figure. They all have had the ability to articulate a powerful vision for the future and get everybody excited about it so that they were willing to commit themselves to it.

Think about our forefathers when they created the Declaration of Independence, think about Martin Luther King, think about Mahatma Ghandi, even think about Hitler.

Whether for good or for bad, a common factor was always a powerful vision that got everybody pulling in the same direction. And in every case, the people were unstoppable in spite of the external factors. Look at what our forefathers had to face when they declared independence. Look at what Ghandi had to face when he declared his commitment.

So if you want to have an extraordinary and successful organization, stop worrying so much about the competition, the economic climate and all of that other external stuff which really means nothing.

In the face of any circumstances, some organizations will always be successful. And those are the organizations where there is leadership, where there is a powerful vision and purpose for the organization and a group of inspired, dedicated, committed people working on behalf of that vision.

This is no idle idea, it is the heart and soul of every successful organization.

Where Are We Going Anyway? Part 2

Expectations and Reality

In virtually all relationships, whether business or personal, there is an initial euphoria stage, commonly referred to as the honeymoon. At the start of a relationship, expectations and enthusiasm are the highest and we tend to see the things that we want (hope) to see.

Unfortunately, as we all know, the honeymoon eventually ends.

The reason for this is quite simple. While we think we enter relationships literally with a blank slate, this is simply not the case. All individuals have expectations about the nature of their relationships and intentions as to the outcome. Since we rarely discuss these expectations and intentions openly, fulfilling them becomes highly improbable. When was the last time you met someone who always was exactly the way you wanted them to be? And when were you last in a relationship where things turned out exactly the way you wanted them to?

The result is unfulfilled expectations and thwarted intentions, leaving us disappointed and often disillusioned. Once a disappointment has occurred and a person becomes upset, the same mistake is often repeated. Again, rather than discussing the unfulfilled expectation or thwarted intention, no one says anything. In the existing paradigm, communication is often the choice of last resort.

Remember, in the existing paradigm, the predominant human emotion is fear. Once again, fear is the primary culprit in the failure to acknowledge disappointment -- fear of offending or appearing foolish, fear of inviting a confrontation and fear of the consequences that such a confrontation will create. Or, when people do tell others they are upset by their behavior, they often deliver their feelings as a personal attack or an attempt to assign blame, fault or guilt. No wonder, the primary response is defensiveness.

In Your Mind`s File Room

In the existing paradigm, people operate under the assumption that ignoring or suppressing disappointments and upset feelings will make the episode pass. It doesn`t. Rather, when we don`t communicate, we instead go into the great metaphorical file room in our minds, find a file cabinet that has some empty space, take a file folder and put the person`s name on it and carefully deposit the disappointment into the file.

The metaphorical file becomes a place to store evidence reinforcing the initial judgment. Rather than silence making the bad feelings go away, what happens instead is that they fester. Without communication, these evaluations become the individual`s reality, i.e. their paradigm about the other person.

Any distinction between the actual facts of the original occurrence and their interpretation, as stored in the file, disappears.

Just about everyone opens such files and collects evidence. In their minds, they are exonerating themselves of any responsibility for the collapse of their relationships. Undelivered communications, rather than disappearing, escalate and kill countless relationships. Inevitably, people will fight about something and, in such an environment, the best scenario that a company can often hope for is peaceful coexistence and polite superficial conversation among virtual strangers. Sound familiar?

What makes all of this particularly disastrous is that it robs the company of any real possibility of success. As we have written about previously (see the post entitled The X-Factor: Alignment), the success of an organization is a function of the degree to which the people within it are all aligned on a common vision for the future. How can this occur when people are not communicating and walking around carrying files? And, in just about every company The Scott Hunter Group has worked with over the last sixteen years, the number one problem is the breakdown in relationships as a result of a failure to communicate.

People who live in the possible paradigm operate differently. They understand that quality relationships are critical to the success of a team and that communication is the fundamental basis of quality relationships. They further understand that they must keep their files empty and deal with issues immediately when they arise.

Removing Barriers

In the final analysis, there are only three reasons why people do not communicate: (1) in the existing paradigm they don`t know that they have to; (2) they don`t know how to communicate appropriately even if they want to; and (3) they can`t count on others, or even themselves to listen appropriately when someone else needs to communicate.

All three of these barriers to effective relationships are easily resolved.

As to barrier number one, you simply commit to communicating everything, and we really do mean everything. Once you start the process of withholding communications, it becomes very easy to justify withholding the next communication. The only solution is to commit to communicating everything.

Regarding barrier number two, a critical element to the communication process is responsible speaking. People must speak honestly and straight, but with compassion and respect. They must learn to not speak self-righteously or try to demean, attack or blame someone else for an upsetting emotion.

Communication must become strictly a report on the speaker`s thoughts and feelings about a particular person or event. Most importantly, people must keep their communication on their side.

People must say things like, My expectations of you that are unfulfilled are... or, I am disappointed in you or our relationship in that... or, My intentions for you or us that have been thwarted are.... Note, in all cases, the speaker is talking about their disappointments, their unfulfilled expectations, their thwarted intentions, rather than accusing or blaming the other person. It is my experience that when people speak with compassion and talk about themselves, communication works.

Finally, for scaling barrier number three, the listener plays the more vital role. When a speaker tells of an upset, the listener must recognize the validity of that experience. Whether or not the listener agrees with the speaker`s interpretation of past events, the listener must recognize that the speaker`s report of thoughts and feelings is true for him or her.

Defensiveness, explanation, justification, argument and resistance by the listener will inhibit communication and reinforce the evaluation that gave rise to the file in the first place. The listener`s only appropriate response is, thank you, or I`m sorry, or both.

It`s critical that the listener simply gets the speaker`s communication and encourages the person to empty their files. The listener must not react, not interpret the communication that they are being blamed and, though often difficult, not take it personally.

Once communication is complete, all the participants need to apologize to one another where appropriate and forgive each other. An apology is not an expression of sorrow, nor is it an admission of guilt. When used most powerfully, an apology is simply an acknowledgment of one`s impact on another and a statement of responsibility in the resulting upset. It is also an invitation for the other to forgive.

True forgiveness wipes the slate clean. It releases all anger, resentment and the desire to punish. Forgiveness is a gift one gives to oneself, because it relieves the suffering provoked by anger and resentment.

The Goal: Nurturing Relationships

Sound, nurturing relationships do not happen by accident. They require real commitment to others and a willingness to do the work of effective communication.

If people in business are to reap the benefits offered by the possible paradigm -- benefits like joy, aliveness, enthusiasm, satisfaction, happiness and, yes, even success -- they are going to have to reorient the focus of their businesses. This means emphasizing others and retraining themselves, their associates, staff and customers in the skills of effective speaking and listening.

Empowering relationships will not solve all the problems in the present business environment. However, you cannot build an efficient and productive office environment and achieve the financial and personal success and satisfaction all people desire without highly effective personal relationships.

Where Are We Going Anyway? Part 1

"The world we have made as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far creates problems we cannot solve at the same level we created them."
--Albert Einstein

It`s only taken me 21 years (I must be a slow learner) but I think I`ve finally figured out why such a large percentage of the population is dissatisfied and unfilled. I have also determined why so many people struggle and labor without finding either the degree of satisfaction or results that they desire.

It all has to do with the power of paradigms.

What is a Paradigm?

Adam Smith, in Powers of the Mind, says a paradigm is a shared set of assumptions, the way we perceive the world. A paradigm explains the world to us and helps us predict its behavior.

Willis Harmon, in An Incomplete Guide to the Future, says a paradigm is the basic way of perceiving, thinking, valuing and doing associated with a particular vision of reality. A dominant paradigm exists as unquestioned. It is a tacit understanding that is transmitted through culture and conveyed to succeeding generations through direct experience, rather than being taught.

Joel Barker, in Discovering the Future, The Business of Paradigms, says a paradigm is a set of rules and regulations that describe boundaries and tells you what to do to be successful within those boundaries. A paradigm tells you that there is a game, what the game is and how to play it successfully.

With those definitions, you cannot help concluding that there are many paradigms in our everyday life. The nature of a paradigm is that it is invisible, yet it determines what is thought or believed. It actually uses you - it shapes and causes your actions. A paradigm acts as an information filter; what we actually perceive is determined by our paradigm. What may be perfectly obvious to persons with one paradigm may be quite literally invisible to persons with a different paradigm. Most importantly, what you can and cannot accomplish is determined by your paradigm.

A classic example of the power of a paradigm is Columbus in the 1400`s. In those days, people believed that the world was flat. More accurately, to them, it was not that they believed the world was flat, the world was flat. You and I know that the world was not flat but their assumption that it was certainly did shape their actions.

Prior to the time that the first runner ran a 4-minute mile, the paradigm was that it was just impossible for a human being to run that fast. Yet, when that paradigm was smashed and someone ran a 4-minute mile, within a short period of time many people were running 4-minute miles.

Personal Applications

What does this have to do with you and me? Everything! Life did not begin when you and I arrived. We were born into a particular paradigm. It`s not good or bad, it just is what it is, but it, not you or me, is responsible for where we are.

Whenever we work with a group of people who have issues to resolve, what they always want to do is immediately jump in and start discussing the issues. This is in spite of the fact that their previous discussions did not resolve the issues. What is not seen is that the particular paradigm that you and I live in is not designed to have people resolve their issues. How do we know that? If it was, the issues would have been resolved.

Albert Einstein recognized this in the quote in the beginning of this article. In other words, if we continue operating according to the same rules and playing the same game, what we will get is more of what we`ve already have. To our way of thinking, this is the definition of insanity, namely doing the same thing over and over again, believing you will get a different result.

"When society requires to be rebuilt, there is no use in attempting to rebuild it on the old plan. No great improvements in the lot of mankind are possible, until a great change takes place in the fundamental constitution of their modes of thought."
--John Stuart Mill

What I, and I think all of us, must finally learn is that we simply cannot accomplish what we came here to accomplish in the existing paradigm. The existing paradigm has rules designed for our failure not for our success. So the challenge for all of us individually and for our organizations is to first unconceal the existing paradigm. Remember, it`s invisible. Once we begin to see it, we can also begin to see it for what it is. We can also understand how it literally is designed to prevent us from progressing from our current state to where we would like to be in the future.
The remaining step is to design a new paradigm appropriate for what we want to accomplish. This paradigm will insure not only the success of our organizations and all of the individuals in it but will allow for true partnership, satisfaction and fulfillment. From our work with many companies, we are clear that this is possible; not easy but possible. Once we design the new paradigm, everything begins to just flow. All that people need to do is literally practice the rules of the new paradigm until they become good at it.

In this post, we will systematically distinguish the characteristics of the existing paradigm while simultaneously describing the characteristics of a paradigm designed for true success and satisfaction. These two paradigms will consistently be referred to as the existing paradigm and the possible paradigm.

Let`s begin.

The Existing Paradigm

Let`s look first at how we function as individuals. In the existing paradigm, we wake up in the morning, look out into the world and literally believe that what we see is really there, that there is a reality. We think that what we see accurately represents what is actually there. Then, since we believe what we see to be real or true, we react to it. Our actions become our response to what we believe is really there.

We literally become a victim of what we believe to be there. In this paradigm, the function of language is quite clear. When we open up our mouth to speak, what we do is describe what we see, how we see it and our reaction to it. In other words, in the existing paradigm the function of language is purely descriptive.

My contention is that just about everyone operates in this manner virtually all the time.

Yet can this possibly be the truth? If there really was a world out there, if there really was a reality, wouldn`t everyone see the exact same thing?

Of course they would. However, you know that not only does everyone not see the same thing, everyone sees something different.

That`s why there are so many misunderstandings and disagreements. It is also the reason why company meetings end up looking like arguments instead of discussions. We are all smart enough to know that everybody has a different perception, yet, even knowing this doesn`t seem to cause us to consider that maybe what we see isn`t really real.

Maybe there is no reality. Maybe our eyes literally function as projectors, projecting onto the blank screen of life whatever is going on in our thoughts. Maybe what we see is our own creation. Maybe we are the source of our personal reality.

I invite you to consider the possibility that what I just said is in fact the truth. Whether it is or not, however, it does point us in the direction of the possible paradigm. In this paradigm, the function of language is as a tool of creation. In other words, every time we open up our mouth to speak, we are literally speaking into existence our reality. I read recently that we always find exactly what we are looking for, and I believe that to be the case. Have you heard the expression self-fulfilling prophecy? In the possible paradigm, you recognize that what you see is under your control and literally what you see is what you get.

Controlling Your Circumstances

How does all of this work on a very practical level? Let`s take satisfaction for example. In the existing paradigm, people think that satisfaction is a function of the circumstances. In other words, they arise in the morning, and look out into the world to see whether or not the circumstances fit what they desire; if they don`t, they are not satisfied.

We are convinced that satisfaction is not a function of the circumstances. In the possible paradigm, you are either creating satisfaction in your conversation or not. You are either this helpless victim reacting to the circumstances, deciding on a moment-to-moment basis whether or not you are satisfied (i.e., Are the circumstances as you want or not?), or you are starting from being satisfied and going out and creating the circumstances you want.

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don`t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can`t find them, make them."
--George Bernard Shaw

Are You Satisfied?

So if you`re not 100% satisfied, you only have yourself to blame. Life is like a picnic. You can either go to the picnic hoping someone else will bring what you want, or you can make sure that what you want is there by bringing it. As I said earlier, you are either creating satisfaction or not. You cannot get to satisfaction, you have to come from satisfaction. In fact, you can`t get any place other than exactly where you are.

So for starters, if you are not 100% satisfied, where you need to focus your efforts is not on the circumstances, but in your personal paradigm. If you start your day being dissatisfied, what we guarantee you is that by the end of the day you will be dissatisfied and you will have spent another day in the existing paradigm.

If you want to join us in this journey as a paradigm pioneer, the first step is to be committed to being satisfied. In the possible paradigm, you bring that commitment to everything that you do. You bring your satisfaction to your work rather than expecting to get satisfaction from your work. The latter course is a no win proposition. In the former course, you cannot help but win.

What about Happiness?

Much the same can be said about happiness. People think that happiness is a function of the circumstances. In the existing paradigm, this is certainly the case. People think that they will be happy when they achieve the American dream, i.e., when they have the right amount of money, the right romantic relationship, the right customers, etc. In the possible paradigm, you are either willing to be happy or you`re not.

"Happiness is a choice you make in each moment about how you experience that moment, not a state you one day achieve."
--Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D.

Barbara and others have convinced us that happiness is a learned skill. When we spend our lives, as most people do, preparing for the future rather than enjoying the present, we end up postponing happiness. Does this depict your daily life? Is your present career best described as preparing for the future, figuring that one day you will be happy? I saw a wonderful bumper sticker the other day that said, Practice random kindness and senseless acts of beauty. It strikes us as a great formula for learning how to be happy today.

At any moment, 99.99+% of the things in our lives are working perfectly. However, isn`t it a truism of our current paradigm that we notice the less than .01% that isn`t?

It`s a crazy way to live your life. I know, since I`ve done it for most of mine.

I don`t recommend it.

An alternative is to accentuate the positive. Make a conscious effort to look for the meritorious aspects of an apparently negative situation. Learn to look for all the wonderful things going on in your life. It`s like the Nike slogan, Just Do It! So if you`re not happy, get happy.

Like a Hamster on a Treadmill

If you further explore the existing paradigm, you discover quickly that the predominant human emotion is fear. Fundamentally, people are fear based. They fear dying, living humiliation, failure ... the list goes on and on.

One of the predominant fears is of insufficiency -- not having enough. At a very early age, we were taught that the resources of the planet are scarce. Is there a person who wasn`t told as a child to clean their plate because there are poor people starving? The message was quite clear: resources are scarce. This has some very dramatic consequences for all of us. Consequences, you say? What is wrong with conserving scare resources?

When you come from a position of fear and scarcity, money is very important. The name of the game is to work hard, accompanied with effort and struggle, all so that we can make plenty of money.

For a company, the ever-increasing solution is to produce more and more and to get everybody else to do the same. And if people are not pulling their weight, get rid of them. So, many people end up doing what they do just for the money.

But here`s the irony. The purpose of all that hard work is seemingly to create abundance. But when your premise is a state of scarcity, there`s no amount of money that ever seems to be enough. This is because people never question the underlying assumption -- that we live in a world of scarcity. No matter how much money people make, whatever level they achieve, somehow there has to be more.

What`s not seen is that you cannot produce abundance with scarcity thinking. And, when your supposition is fear and scarcity, there is no possibility of happiness or satisfaction because what`s always looming in the background is the fear that if you stop, it will run out. We become like the proverbial hamster on the treadmill, working harder and harder and not ever getting closer to the desired end.

Opportunities, Not Problems

People who live in the possible paradigm are playing an entirely different game. They have replaced fear and worry with optimism, faith, and trust. They have replaced a scarcity view of the world with an abundant view of the world. These are the eternal optimists, the can-do people. Nothing is a problem, it`s always an opportunity. Every day is a challenge filled with excitement.

Ironically, most people are so fear/scarcity based that they call these others Pollyannas. They literally criticize them for being optimistic and hopeful. It`s difficult to see that the reason for this is that fear is the biggest game in town. But it`s time for us to see that it`s also a very disempowering game.

The Only Way To Go

Being optimistic, being positive, having faith is the only way to go, really. It is the secret of success of every truly successful human being. You cannot produce abundance from scarcity. You can only be truly abundant if you`re willing to come from abundance, and coming from abundance means trusting that there will always be enough and learning to expect the best. What happens when you do this? Learning to expect the best will dramatically increase the number of times that the best occurs.

So where are you? Are you concerned about your future? Are you worried that you cannot see what`s down the road? Not being able to see what`s down the road, and being concerned about it, are earmarks of a fear-based person. Do you feel that it`s up to you to determine daily desired results? An incessant need to plan for the future is mostly a fear-based condition. Founding your day-to-day life, whether professional or personal, on a state of fear will never get you anyplace worthwhile. The ultimate solution is simply to learn to trust.

What Base Are You On?

Everything that has been just said applies on an organizational level. When you walk into an organization and listen to the conversation, you can either hear that it`s fear-based or that it`s faith-based. Which basis it is determines what is possible.

In most companies, people spend an inordinate amount of time worrying. What we find is that the more you spend your time worrying, the more you have things to worry about. It just isn`t useful or helpful. You can either see the glass as half empty or half full. Your choice makes all the difference in the world because it determines what paradigm you live in. Many companies these days are attempting to diversify, but in the existing paradigm such attempts will never be truly successful because they`re fear-based.

So where do you go from here? It all depends upon where you start from. If you and the members of your company start from being a happy group of satisfied, turned on, joyous, and alive people who are enthusiastic and optimistic, and have faith and trust in the future, the likelihood is that just about everything will work out to your satisfaction and liking. If you don`t come from that place, the deck is stacked against you.

Going on to the second part of this article, "Expectations and Reality" let's now explore the existing paradigm and what I have identified as the possible paradigm, primarily as it applies to our interpersonal relationships.