Can it get any worse?

I am writing this as one of the last activities I will perform today before heading to my television to watch the election returns. As I think about that, it occurs to me that tomorrow, when all of the results are in, about half the people in the USA will be happy, maybe excited, maybe thrilled, and the other half will be unhappy, probably disappointed, maybe discouraged, maybe even depressed.

With this reality, I ask myself: how did we get here? Why does it seem so bad? Why is my country more polarized than ever? This presidential election has been the worst I’ve ever experienced. So much anger and hatred on each side. And is anyone out there happy about what’s going on in Congress? Obamacare was passed without a single Republican vote. There hasn’t been even the slightest movement on either side of the aisle to work with the other side for the good of all of us.

Unfortunately, I know exactly why this has happened and my greatest hope is that it has finally gotten so bad that things can start moving in a more positive direction. If you don’t know why it has happened, it’s quite simple. We human beings always only have two choices: listen to the voice of our higher consciousness or listen to the voice of our ego. You can read all about those voices in Unshackled Leadership. The simple reality is that the dominate voice is that of the ego.

As a practical matter, the two choices come down to either being right or being happy. I recently heard someone reframe that into you can either be right or be peaceful. Whichever one you pick, the reality seems to be that we have gotten to the point where people think that how they get to be happy is by being right. It just doesn’t work that way. One or the other, happy or right. Those choices are mutually exclusive.

So what’s going on is that seemingly everyone in politics wants to be right. If you watched the TV show 60 Minutes the other night, several people have chosen to discontinue their political careers because this need to be right at all costs has become so pervasive, they no longer have any desire to participate. What a sad state of affairs.

I’m writing this because we have to put this to an end. All of us, starting with you and me, must start making a different choice: to be happy and peaceful. And what do we have to do to go that route? Just give up the need to be right. If you’re willing to do this, it will have an enormous impact on every aspect of your life. All of your relationships will improve dramatically. Your home life will get significantly better and everybody around you will appreciate what you’re doing. And at work, you may actually be able to create a work environment where people not only get along, but actually enjoy being with each other. If enough of us make this commitment, who knows where it might lead. Look at it this way, it surely can’t get much worse!

The Fear of Public Speaking

They say that the number one fear we have as human beings is the fear of public speaking and that the number two fear is the fear of death. Now, isn’t that interesting? In other words, people would sooner die than speak publicly. This astounds me, but when I think about it, I can totally understand it. When I started out as a public speaker, I too was terrified. It took every ounce of courage I could muster up for me to step in front of a group and speak about a subject that I was passionate about. And there were times in the beginning that I felt like I was going to die before stepping in front of a group. 

Fortunately, not all of us have to speak in front of groups. Often time, we think that opportunity is reserved for seminar leaders, lawyers, actors, politicians, or teachers.  And  to a large degree, this is true. However, when I look at my life before I was a public speaker, there were numerous opportunities that I had to speak in front of people!  And when I examine those times of my life, the fear was still there!

I’m sure you can relate to times that you had to give a presentation at work, maybe you had to speak to your employees, and times you had to make phone calls to strangers, or ask someone out on a date.  Maybe you had to speak at a school function for your children, or you wanted to make new friends and invite some people over for dinner.  Many people, like me, feel anxious when we are put in these situations.  And physically we feel the anxiety.  We get sweaty, our stomach turns to butterflies, we get tired, or sick.  All of these symptoms are just our body’s way of telling us we are venturing into unknown territory.  We don’t know what may happen, so we get anxious.

Well I am not here to give you the magic tools to make the fear go away.  But in the following article series I am here to show you that there are some strategies, that when applied, can lessen the emotional, mental and physical impact that the fear has on you.  These steps can help lessen the stress created when having to speak to people and can help you become a confident speaker, whether you want to become the next Tony Robbins or you just want to be able to talk to people with confidence and ease.

Stay tuned in the next post where I will cover the 10 tips to ease the stress of speaking to people. 

Executive Leadership: No One Is Perfect

Last week I discussed why you often find yourself wondering why team building is such a struggle and why you frequently find yourself frustrated in your desire to provide the leadership necessary to create an effective work team? The answer previously discussed is that the ego voice tells us: we’re not good enough, we’re not lovable, and we’re not worthy and, as a result, we tend to listen either that we’re being criticized, or we’re being lectured to, or we’re being made wrong, or we’re being judged, or all of the above. Under these circumstances, it’s almost impossible to have a friendly, helpful conversation with a team member and most conversations are either avoided or end up in an argument.

Here’s another reason: It’s impossible for us human beings to not have expectations of the other people in our lives. We have expectations of our employees, our co-workers, our boss, our spouse, our children, and even our friends, just to name a few. At work, in addition to our expectations about how other people will act and what it will be like to be in relationship with them, we also have intentions as to what results will be produced by them.

Given that nobody is perfect (please note that I said that), it’s completely unlikely that others will always live up to our expectations or that things will always turn out exactly the way we intend. When this happens, we become disappointed and being disappointed in a relationship, all relationships, is inevitable and predictable.

That’s not the problem, however. The problem occurs when we approach the other person to discuss our disappointment. We frequently forget that the reason for the communication really has nothing to do with the other person. Now I doubt you see it that way and that’s the problem. People are just people and they almost always do the very best they can given the tools they have available to them. The reason we have a problem is only because they are not living up to our expectations or not fulfilling our intentions. But we tend not to see it that way. We think there is something wrong with them. And often, that’s exactly how we communication.

Now, add that scenario on to what we discussed last week. Rather than taking responsibility for your expectations and your intentions and communicating appropriately, you, in fact, do criticize, lecture, judge or make the other wrong. No wonder they respond the way they do. And this happens all the time, resulting in upsets, arguments and hostility.

The solution: always communicate from a place of responsibility, in addition to following the suggestions from last week, and you’ll go a long way toward creating an effective work team. Unshackled Leadership, available in our store, contains specific instructions for communicating from a place of responsibility. 

Leadership Tool – Choosing a Powerful Mindset

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a pill you could take to give you super powers as a leader?  Well, in a way, there is.  It’s called it a “Choice Pill”.  You take it as needed to enhance your leadership skills.  Close your eyes and imagine yourself taking the “Choice Pill” and here’s what happens:

• You feel powerful!
• You are in charge of you!
• You choose how you think and feel.     
• You can choose to be happy, or not. 
• You can choose how to respond to what happens to you.  You can choose to have a good day, even if you spilled coffee on your pants. 
• You can choose to lead your team with full gusto toward the goal when a controversial decision on a project direction is made, even if this was not your first choice.       
• You can choose to enjoy listening to a CD in your car when you are stuck in traffic rather than being angry at other drivers and the slow traffic.

Feelings are not just emotions that happen to you.  Our feelings come from our thoughts.  If you control your thoughts and your feelings come from our thoughts, you are capable of controlling your feelings.  This affects your actions and the results you produce.  This may be new way of thinking for you but once you get this, you will see the world differently.  This enhances your personal power and leadership skills.

Many of us were brought up in a culture which taught us not to be responsible for our feelings.  For example, “You hurt my feelings.”  “You make me mad.”  When you turn your thoughts around from “So & So did this or that to me” to “I chose to be angry or happy” there is power because you are in charge of you.  You go from victim to victor.

You are the person responsible for how you think, feel and act.  You can learn to think differently about anything –if you decide to do so. 

Let’s face it, every immediate reaction may not be wonderful.  When you’re in a situation and something negative “pops” into your head, you can choose to keep it or get rid of it.  Sometimes you may have to “digest” it a little first. 

You can learn to think, feel and act differently by making choices to do so.  Take your Choice Pills, choose a powerful mindset and see what a difference it makes in your life, and in your leadership.