The 2013: Roadmap to Success Coaching Program

Do you remember the last time you got a new car? I’m sure it came with an owner’s manual and you spent some time reviewing it so you could understand its operation. Same with the last computer you got, or the latest phone or even the latest vacuum cleaner.  Everything complicated seems to come with an owner’s manual.

But what’s the most complicated thing we all receive that doesn’t come with any kind of owner’s manual? You guessed it, a life! And how to apply what’s there to business! When you arrived, or any time thereafter, did anyone give you a manual explaining how life works? I’m sure not. So is it any wonder that the vast majority of people thrash around trying to have their life and their business be the way they want them to be with little or no success? It’s like we’re driving our car down the road with our hands on the rear view mirror! Is it any wonder we keep hitting the wall? If you’re reading this, the great likelihood is that you would like to have something, perhaps many things, be different from the way it is but you really don’t know how to make that happen.

Here’s the good news. There is an owner’s manual for your life, and for your business… and it’s really not all that complicated. There are only a handful of principles that if you understand and implement you can indeed steer your life and your business in the direction of your dreams and eliminate permanently the frustration that comes with not having that happen.

          Do you want a better job or a job at all?
         What about a relationship? More money?
         Greater peace of mind? Happiness & joy?
         Improved health and overall well being?
         More customers? More sales? More profit?
         Improved teamwork? More overall success?

You can have all of these things! The first step is to just understand the principles. The next step is to implement them... The real challenge is implementing the principles correctly. That’s why I created the 2013: Roadmap to Success Coaching Program.

If you want to have 2013 be your best year ever and the year you begin to have the things you truly want, I invite you to give yourself the gift of being part of a 9 month online coaching program. This program includes monthly coaching calls and unlimited access to personal coaching via e mail directly with me, your personal success coach! You can participate from the comfort of your home or office, from any place in the world. If you miss a call, it will be recorded for you to listen to at your convenience.

Join me on February 20^th at 8 pm eastern/5 pm pacific for a free teleseminar where we kick off the program for the year. You can register for the teleseminar on this website at

http://www.unshackledleadership.com/free-teleclass-success/

LEADERSHIP TOOL: DEVELOPING SUCCESS HABITS

Are you tired of the standard practice of developing New Year’s resolutions and then feeling guilty because you have not followed through on them?  Many would answer a resounding YES!

In Jack Canfield’s book, The Success Principles, he provides some interesting insights and a fresh approach to this age old dilemma.  Psychologists say that 90% of our behavior is habitual.  Wow!  The good news is that habits can free up your mind while your body is on automatic, like when you plan your day while brushing your teeth.  The bad news is that some of our unconscious self-defeating behaviors can become habits that inhibit our growth and limit our success.  Your current habits are producing your current level of results.  So, if you want to achieve a higher level of success, you need to drop some of your “old” habits and replace them with more productive habits. 

What habits may be holding you back from being as successful as you want?

Canfield asks a great question, “What could you achieve if you took on four new habits a year?” Doesn’t this make things sound more realistic and manageable?  This is only 1 per quarter!  We can all do that!.

Canfield suggests a simple approach:

1. Make a list of your negative habits.
2. For each one choose a better, more productive success habit to replace it and develop systems that will support you.  Be specific in what you will do to adopt the new habit.  Commit 100% to this new daily discipline.  That’s a tough one but important to success.

Examples:

Negative Habit- Being late for meetings and appointments

Success Habit- Make a list of all your appointments for the day.  Put them in your calendar, phone, etc.  Put a reminder in your system for 15 minutes prior to the meeting.

Negative Habit – Not consistently returning phone calls

Success Habit – Return all phone calls within 24 hours.  Make a list, check them off.  Atta boy yourself!

You get the idea. Your habits determine your outcomes. Success doesn’t just happen.  It requires focused action, discipline, determination and commitment. Try this Success Habit routine.  Keep it simple.  Work on one habit per quarter.  Right now, select a Negative Habit that is holding you back and the Success Habit you want to develop for this quarter – between now and the end of March.  Work on it daily.  Put reminders for yourself.  Enroll the support of others.  Commit 100% to your new Success Habit.  Think how much better your career, your life, and even the world will be when you commit to 100% excellence in everything you do!

The Freedom of Completion

As we approach the end of the year, we request that you use the following approach (which is in The Coach’s Corner every year at this time) to be complete with the past, wipe the slate clean, and prepare yourself for a loving, joyous, and prosperous 2013. Don’t think about doing it. Just do it. You won’t be sorry and you’ll be pretty happy when it’s done.

The freedom of completion

Let's explore the phenomenon of being complete.  The first part of being complete is to notice that we naturally want to allow ourselves to express whatever we are experiencing. You see this most clearly with little children. They never hesitate to let you know exactly what they are feeling. Simply said, laugh when you are happy, cry when you are sad, yell when you are angry, and apologize when you screw up!  Learn to get present to the moment and be aware of your body sensations, your emotions and your thoughts about yourself and others.  Little by little, you will get faster at noticing yourself in the present moment and be able to respond authentically and responsibly to what is happening with you.  You will be amazed at the freedom gained just by this simple process.

The second part of being complete is to learn to let go of grudges, just like children in a playground.  When someone takes away their toy, they might throw a tantrum, but when they have fully let out their anger, they usually go back to playing together! We highly intelligent, highly evolved and oh-so-cool grown-ups, however, might not ever speak to each other again!  And not only that, we are righteous about not having to because, after all, it IS their fault!  So for us, this is really the hard part.

All kinds of things happen to us that we are not happy about, but rather than expressing ourselves and then letting go of the anger, we tend to hold on to it. We get righteous about our point of view instead of communicating it.  We have the choice to be either right or be happy, and we cannot be both! Unfortunately, people think that they get to be happy by being right, but it's not true. Those choices are mutually exclusive.

If you want to be happy, you need to give up your attachment to being right and that ultimately means you must forgive yourself and others for the things that happen in life that you do not like.

If you want to be blissfully happy or even immensely sane, forgive others and forgive yourself for everything.  Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Through the act of forgiveness, by giving up resentment and the right to punish, you are left with serenity, freedom and peace of mind. You will again see the world through the bright eyes of a child.

Try This Exercise

We have discovered a completion process that embodies these principles, one which, if you are willing, allows you to express that which you have experienced and let go of the past.  It is ideally suited for this time of year so that you can be complete with whatever happened in the year 2012 (and even before that) and not drag it into 2013. So PLEASE, do this exercise.

Keep in mind that completion is a function of your willingness to be complete, your willingness to express that which you experience, and your willingness to forgive and let go.

Do this exercise with your co-workers or family or a friend.  It is very effective to do this in a group and you can also do it as an individual at any time you want to be complete with something.  We have done this many times at the end of the year with our clients, always with spectacular results.  It’s a six-step process and it’s really important that you express everything, answering each question fully.

First, "What did you accomplish this year?"  Acknowledge all of your accomplishments for 2012. Just acknowledge what you did this year. Include the big things, [You cleaned out the garage or cured a rare disease], the little things [You cleaned out the garage], include everything.  Don't rip yourself off with the "that doesn't count," the "yeah, buts" or the "if only's."   Just acknowledge your big and small accomplishments.

Second, acknowledge what occurred in 2012 that was a source of pleasure. "What gave you pleasure this past year?"  List it all. I literally went through my calendar for 2012, one day at a time, and made a rather long list of what I accomplished and what brought me pleasure. It was a very exciting list. And I now have these lists for every year since 1994.

Third, express your disappointments, unfulfilled expectations, thwarted intentions and sources of displeasure in 2012.  Again, list them all.

Fourth, answer the question:  "Who do you need to forgive and for what?" It’s crucial that we be willing to forgive each other and ourselves for whatever happened. When we don't forgive, that grudge takes up space in our life and we cannot put anything in that same space to make ourselves happy or healthy.  Grudges use up our life's oxygen.  To the extent that we are unwilling to forgive is the extent to which we miss out on wonderful things we want because we simply have no place to hold them.

The Fifth question is: "Who do you need to thank and for what?" This is the most inspiring part of the process, as it gives you an opportunity to really acknowledge each person in your life as if today were the last day of your life.  So many people contribute to us each and every day, and we usually don't stop to say thank you.  "Thank you for remembering my birthday, thank you for being kind, thank you for respecting me and listening to me, thank you for making my paycheck good every single time."

When we do this process in organizations and people go around the room thanking each other, it is really very inspiring.  By the way, don't forget to also thank yourself.

The sixth and last question simply is: "Is there anything else you need to say about the year 2012 in order to be complete?"  If you just ask yourself each of these questions, what is there will immediately come to light.  Whatever comes up, that's the answer.

There are no hidden meanings and no right answers. You do not have to search through your mind or struggle with the process. Whatever is necessary to be said will be readily apparent.

Finally, completion is a phenomenon that lives only in language, it's always and only just people talking, and our speaking creates our reality. In other words, the only way you can be truly complete with something is to declare yourself complete.  After you have acknowledged your accomplishments, your disappointments, forgiven and thanked people and said anything else you need to say about 2012, declare yourself complete. Move forward, let the past go, and bring on the New Year.

Enjoy!  Be happy.  Be Complete.  Be free.  Happy New Year.

Create a Bucket List - Add South America

Traveling to South America wasn’t very high on my bucket list and may not be for you, but having just returned from a 13 day adventure there, I offer you the following thoughts to perhaps change your mind. And if you don’t have a bucket list, perhaps it’s time to create one. There is a big, beautiful world out there to explore and if you don’t create an intention to see it, you won’t. Even if it somehow doesn’t seem feasible for you, don’t underestimate the power of an intention.

Our first stop was Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and it was fabulous. The famous Copacabana and Ipanema beaches were beautiful and filled with gorgeous people, all of whom seemed to choose to wear the Brazilian version of a bikini. Great place to go if you want to get an almost full body tan. The train to the top of Corcovada Mountain to see the Christ statute and the view from the top are exciting experiences, as is the cable cars to the top of Sugarloaf Mountain. The people are friendly, the food is great, the music is exciting and Rio is a great place to spend at least three days.

From Rio we flew to the border between Brazil and Argentina to visit Iguassu Falls. While it was really hot, almost 100 degrees, and humid, over 80%, this is a place not to be missed. The falls are now considered to be one of the Seven Wonders of the World and I can truly understand that. Personally, it was almost overwhelming and beyond words to describe. There are as many as 200 falls that extend across a large area. As you explore the area, first from the Brazilian side and then from the Argentinean side, the view becomes more and more spectacular. At one point, you literally walk out onto a platform and are surrounded by falls; you even get wet from the spray. Before this trip I didn’t even know this place existed but had I known, I would have gone there a lot sooner. Move it to the top of your list.

Next stop was Buenos Aires, Argentina. It’s a lovely city, the weather is wonderful in December and like all the cities we went to, there are many parks and opportunities to kick back and relax. One interesting thing we saw in Buenos Aires was the many dog walkers with their collection of 10 – 20 dogs, all walking together and getting along amazingly well. We took a 3+ hour guided bicycle tour of the city and I would surely recommend that. But the highlight of the visit was surely the tango show we saw which had 10 couples who put on a true extravaganza of dance.

Our final destination was Santiago, Chile. Home to 17 million people, Santiago is a truly modern city including a 72 story skyscraper which is almost complete and will be the tallest in Latin America. Because of the frequent earthquakes, there is very little in the city that is old. Like many European and Latin American cities, there is a central square surrounded by wonderful buildings. Here, the highlight of our trip was watching the changing of the guard at the presidential palace. With a large band, horses, and over 150 soldiers, the process took about 40 minutes and was fun to watch. And the band even played songs like Yankee Doodle Dandy, Moon Over Miami and American Patrol.

Happy traveling! 

Let Go of All Attachments

Continuing with the post I started two weeks ago, I said at that time that the more I study and understand the nature of life and business, the more I become convinced that the “formula” for having an amazing life and a truly successful business is really quite simple: Totally release the past, let go of all attachments and judgments, forgive everyone for everything, including yourself, be grateful for everything, and focus only on being peaceful. Pretty simple, wouldn’t you agree?

But the problem is obvious: hardly any of us do any of those things. Wouldn’t you agree with that too? So let’s continue to dig into this a bit deeper so you can understand why this is a sure fire formula for happiness and success and why it seems so difficult to implement.

Let go of all attachments!

First, what do I mean by “attachments?” Simply put, we want life to be the way we want life to be, we want people to be the way we want them to be, we want circumstances to be the way we want them to be, etc. So far, no problem. The problem arises when not only do we want things and people to be the way we want them to be, we are determined that they be that way, and our very existence, our happiness and our joy are all wrapped up in whether or not they are the way we want them to be. This is what I mean by attachment.

Now you might, at first, think that you don’t feel that strongly about anything or anybody. If you think that, you’re being naïve. People generally do not look carefully enough at how they approach life to see how much they are attached to life being the way they want it to be. Think about it. Don’t you really care a lot about how your business is, how your spouse and children are, how your employees or co-workers are, how successful you are, how much money you make, how much money you have in the bank, how your sales go, what others think about you, etc.? I could go on and on. Don’t you really care about a lot of things and people and spend time and energy trying to have them be the way you want them to be?

Now you might say: what’s wrong with caring about things like that? There’s nothing wrong with caring, as long as you care in a loving way. But when you’re attached and things have to be a certain way, you pretty much guarantee you will never be happy and I hope that’s obvious. If it isn’t, just realize that things and people will never be the way you want them to be, even if you don’t realize that, and when you put your happiness and peace of mind at stake in attempting to overcome that, your happiness and peace go out the window. The result is that the possibility of having an amazing life and a truly successful business go out the window too.

Is there a solution? Surely. Let go of your attachments. Let life and people and circumstances just be the way they are and just the way they are not. Learn to practice the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

If there are people or circumstances in your life or business that are not the way you would like them to be and you can develop a plan to change them or it, go for it. Just give up your need to be successful. Do what you can and if it works, great. If not, let it go. If you can see that you can’t make a difference with whatever isn’t the way you want it to be, learn to accept it/them just the way it/they are.

Here’s the best part: those are the only two choices. Change it or leave it be. Being unwilling to do either and complaining about them or it is not an acceptable option. Turning yourself into a victim is also not an option. Blaming others is another unacceptable option. You’re in charge of your own experience. Take responsibility for it and choose wisely. More next week.