Team Leadership - Embracing Differences

You’ve probably heard the expression, “Opposites Attract”.  And many would say opposites can also make you crazy.  Have you experienced this? 

Often, people get along best with people who are like them because they have a lot in common and they “get” each other.  But the reality of the world is that there are a lot of different people out there.  Tools like Myers Briggs and Strength Finders are valuable because they help you see different personality styles and the different strengths people have.

In the sports world, it is common for people’s different talents and strengths to be appreciated and included in unique and valuable ways to help the team be successful.  Unfortunately, in the workplace, many people have not learned this valuable lesson.  Often people compare others to themselves.  They criticize others whose differences don’t live up to their set of standards and expectations or they may envy them when they are “better”.  They get irritated by differences rather than using them to their advantage.  This can lead to resentment, jealousy, envy, antagonism, and sabotage which are not healthy in relationships or to the success of the business. Does this strike a chord with you?

A great team leader sees differences, appreciates them and embraces them.  They also encourage individuals on their team to do the same.  This is a key element in true partnership relationships that is discussed in Unshackled Leadership.  Everyone acknowledges and appreciates other people’s contributions and uses each other’s talents for the maximum benefit of the team. 

As a team leader, get to know your team members.  Provide opportunities for your team members to get to know each other.  Look for the gold in each person – what special talents and strengths do they have.  Acknowledge them. Think about the possibilities of how to use the unique strengths, talents, knowledge, styles and personalities to create an amazing team.  How they are used may vary according to what projects are assigned to the team.  Be careful of getting stuck in always having the same people do the same thing the same way.  Create a true partnership with your team.  Embrace their differences.  You will have enthusiastic, confident, optimistic and happy people who work together on behalf of a future they’ve all committed themselves to --- a successful business!

Leadership Tools: First, Take Care of Yourself

I’m sure you’ve heard that in case of an airline emergency, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first, then attend to others, such as your child.  The reasoning behind this is that you’ve got to take care of yourself first so you can be your best before you can take care of others. Looking at how this applies to leadership, it’s evident that to effectively lead yourself, your team, or your family, you need to be at your best and this means taking care of yourself first.  

In my last blog, “Feeling Down?  What Can you Do?” (10-25-12), I gave you a few tips on how to move your mood/attitude from down in the dumps to feeling fabulous.  I promised more tips this week, so here are some great mood/attitude boosters so you can be at your best.

Mind Boosters

Incorporate Daily Rituals into your routine.  It’s important to start your day with at least 5 minutes (longer is better!) of “Mood Boosters”, such as meditation, positive intentions, affirmations, prayers, inspirational reading, and personal daily reminders about how you want to be.  If you’re driving in the car, listen to positive audio books or recordings.  Spend time with people who are positive and supportive.  Avoid people who complain, gossip, or blame.  Avoid this yourself!  Acknowledge yourself and others.  Each evening, list in your journal all the things for which you are grateful.  You can also express gratitude in advance of getting something.  This is part of “acting as if” you already have something and will help “attract” that to you. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.  Remember the song, “Don’t Worry, be Happy”?  Well, do that!  Smile, Laugh, Love!

 Body Boosters

Take care of your physical self.  Make sure you get plenty of sleep, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, take breaks, take a walk in nature, take a nap, get a massage, or listen to relaxing music.

On a personal note, to boost my mood/attitude, I like to listen to the audio book, The Power by Rhonda Byrne, author of the well known book, The Secret. She talks about what an attitude of love and gratitude can do in such a way that gets one very inspired, motivated and excited about life!  You find yourself at the top of the mood/attitude chart I mentioned last time.

What do you do to get your mood/attitude to move up to the top so you are feeling energized and fabulous?  Share your tips with me at Lois@UnshackledLeadership.com.

Learn to Acknowledge Others

In my last two posts, I stated that as long as you’re here, you’ll always have an ego. One of the nastiest realities of your ego is that it tells you you’re not good enough, you’re not worthy and/or you’re not loved. The result is that all people have, to one degree or another, an issue with their self worth. And it should be pretty obvious that if you don’t feel good enough, worthy or loved, you won’t allow yourself to have the things you want in life. You just don’t see yourself as worthy or deserving of what life has to offer.

Another one of the consequences of this comes from the reality that we see our reflection in other people. What I mean by that is that other people literally function as a mirror, reflecting back to us our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. When we see someone we like, we’re seeing in them the parts of ourselves we’re happy about. When we see someone we don’t like, just the opposite is the case and we’re seeing in them the parts of ourselves we’re not happy about.

So how can you use this to your advantage? Learn to look for the good in everyone and learn to acknowledge people, especially if you’re a manager. Look, it’s really easy to find fault with people. True or true? And one of the biggest reasons for this is what I discussed earlier. So stop doing that and stop criticizing people. People already feel bad about themselves and you criticizing them just has them feel worse.

Instead, look for the good in people and work on catching them in the act of doing something, anything, that you can acknowledge them for and then do so. It will make them feel good about themselves and make you feel good about you.

To complete this, we have to distinguish between expressing appreciation and acknowledging people and most people haven’t a clue about what the difference is. We express appreciation for the things people “do.” “You did a great job on that report.” “thanks for bringing me a cup of coffee,” “thanks for picking my kids up at school.” We’re all usually pretty good at that.

But we acknowledge people for who they “are.” Appreciation lives in the domain of doing, acknowledgement lives in the domain of being. So, a manager might say to a worker something like: “I want to acknowledge you for the extraordinary commitment you bring to your job. You do everything with a smile on your face, no job is too big or too much for you, you do everything with a high degree of integrity, you dot the I’s and cross the t’s and don’t stop until everything is done completely. You’re a model for what I would like to see in everyone in this company.”

When you take the time to acknowledge people like that you produce several results. First, you’ll make a huge contribution to the others self esteem and they will begin to perform at an even high level than before. Equally as important, you’ll feel great about yourself in seeing the impact you’ve had on another and the acknowledgement will boomerang back on you and impact your self esteem.

We’ve spent far too long beating each other up. And, whether you believe this or not, there is no such thing as constructive criticism. Take your game up a notch by learning to acknowledge people.

Why Peace?

In last week’s post, I suggested that you set the goal of peace. I’m wondering if you tried it and how it worked out? Let me know.

Setting the goal of peace provides two dramatic benefits:

1. You experience peace now; and

2. You experience peace, and peaceful events and circumstances, in the future.

How great is that?

How does this work? Well, you have to understand that what you’re seeing in front of you is always the result of your past thoughts and feelings. In other words, because of the law of cause and effect, which says that in your life, you are cause and what you experience in front of you is the effect, you’re always producing what you experience. And what you produce with are your thoughts and feelings.

In other words, you have a thought, it creates feelings and emotions, and those thoughts, feelings and emotions are the cause of the effects you experience. So, whatever you are thinking about and having feelings about today, will surely show up in your life some time in the future, which is why choosing peace is such a powerful choice. The more consistently you choose peace, the more you will cause peaceful events and circumstances to manifest in your future.

Now you also have to understand that this process works exactly the same way with regard to any other thoughts and feelings you might choose to create. There is no such thing as a neutral thought. Every thought creates a feeling and you will always experience a corresponding result.

For example, if, rather than choosing peace, you choose worry, concern, frustration, or annoyance, what you will experience now is worry, concern, frustration, or annoyance and what you will see in your future are events and circumstances to bring you more worry, concern, frustration, or annoyance. Why would you want that? Makes no real sense. Yet, unfortunately, that’s what far too many people choose. And then they wonder why life doesn’t seem to be working out for them the way they would like.

Now if you’re saying that you don’t believe it works this way, please remember that once upon a time, people believed the earth was the center of the universe and the sun and the planets rotated around it. At another time, people believed the earth was flat. The point is: just because you believe something, it doesn’t mean it’s the truth, even though you think it is. Besides, you didn’t even decide the things you believe. You were born into a world with an already given set of beliefs and you bought into them without much thought at all.

If your life and your company are working out magnificently, by all means continue to believe whatever you believe. But if that’s not the case, perhaps it’s time to upgrade some of your beliefs. And here’s a great one (because I assure you it’s the truth): what you’re seeing in front of you is always the result of your past thoughts and feelings. So, as I said last week, how about setting the goal of peace?

LEADERSHIP DILEMA – NOT ENOUGH TIME!!!

Does it seem like you never have enough time?  This is a popular dilemma for many people, especially those in leadership roles.  You find your “pie” gets divided into “pieces” which take up the things you have to do in your busy life.  The sad thing for many of us is that we never get a piece of the pie for ourselves.  Said more truly and powerfully, we never choose to take a piece of the pie for ourselves.

Many of us grew up with parents who said we have to get our work done before we can go “play”.  This “belief” is still present for many people and results in working lots of hours at the office and then going home and doing more work in the form of “chores”.  They fall into bed and start over the next day.

In the April 2012 issue of Real Simple Magazine, there was an interesting article on Women & Time.  Don’t stop reading, men, as the key points to come apply to you as well!  Their study showed that women who schedule their free time regularly are more satisfied with their lives than those who postpone their free time until they finish other tasks.  Additionally, women who delegate to their spouses more than once a week are more satisfied with their lives than those who don’t.  I’m sure this doesn’t surprise you. It does make sense.

My questions for you as a leader are:  Do you plan free time for yourself?  Do you delegate tasks to others?  Or are you afraid to let go of control? To reclaim free time and enjoy it, you need to start thinking differently, change some of your beliefs and shift some of your standards.  Decide it’s OK to schedule some “free” time for yourself every day.  Know that when you’re more happy and satisfied, everyone else in your life benefits – at work and at home. I challenge each of you this week to schedule at least 30 minutes of free time for yourself each day and use it for something you enjoy!  As the magazine article states, “Yes, you can have more free time!” 

Making conscious choices about what you do with your time sure beats worrying about having enough of it!