Leadership Strategy: Empower Yourself

Do you ever feel frustrated because your life seems out of control and you just can’t get it together?

This is a common complaint for many people in this fast paced, competitive world in which we live and work.  What often happens is that some people experience these feelings because they want to be in control – of everything.  Others think they have no control and they are a victim of what’s going on around them, other people, events or circumstances.  Both think life “should” be different than it is.  It should not be so challenging!  You can see why people feel frustrated and overwhelmed.

What can you do about it?  Try this exercise.  Focus on a particular thing you’re trying to do and are feeling frustrated about.  For example, you’re trying to get a new job.  On the left side of a sheet of paper, list all of the things you have control over.  On the right side of the paper, list all the things you can’t control.  For example, you can control what you wear on the job interview, how well groomed you are, what you put on your resume, where you send it, what you know about the company before you go on the interview, etc.  You can’t control the economy, that so many others are unemployed, etc. 

Now take a look at the list of things you can control and start taking responsibility for them.  Empower yourself.  You don’t need to be perfect at them, just strive for excellence in your efforts.  Perfection is a sign of fear and this will keep you from connecting with others and being your best.  When you look at the list of things you can control, you feel more empowered and less of a victim.  Taking ownership for what you can do gives you confidence and energy to move forward in a peaceful way and trusting way. 

Control can be tricky.  We often try to control what is none of our business and don’t control what we can.  Then we give up because we feel powerless.  People often think by controlling things, you can avoid what threatens you.  A more powerful position is to accept responsibility for what you can control.  Empower yourself.  Stop resisting what is.  Accepting responsibility is synonymous with accepting life.

I’ll leave you with Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

LEADERSHIP STRATEGY: STOP----- START!

Do you ever think about what you’re doing, really?  Or for that matter, how you’re “being”? 

Recently, I heard someone ask a provocative question, “What would you like to stop doing?”  Really stop!  Make a list.  This was part of a series of questions about your life so you can see what you really want.  Interesting question. 

To get you going, here are some examples someone might say they would like to stop:

• Procrastinating
• Doing projects at the last minute
• Being late
• Not “investing” in themself (clothes, classes, working out) because they don’t have enough time, money………..
• Cleaning my kids room
• Criticizing direct reports, significant other, kids
• Working late or on weekends
• Opening email after 8 p.m.

Let’s expand this to include, “How would you like to stop “being”?  Make another list.

Here are some more examples:  I would like to stop being……….

• Cranky in the morning
• Fearful
• Judgmental of others
• Lazy
• Concerned with what others think

I’m a firm believer in focusing on what you want.  So, now that you’ve created awareness of what you do and how you are being that you don’t want, take a look at that list.  What would you like to START doing/being?  Next to each item, write a “reframe” of the item to be what you DO want to do or “be”. 

For example:

Being late – Reframe: I arrive at least 10 minutes early for appointments

An empowering way to position this is to say, “In the past, I was often late.  Now I arrive at appointments at least 10 minutes early.”

Being fearful – Reframe:  I am courageous and love to try new things.  OR

Until now, I was fearful of many things.  Now, I’m courageous and love to try new things.

When you use the phrases, “In the past” or “Until now”, it’s a way of letting go of the old behavior or limiting belief and starting a fresh!

Give it a try!  Make your lists today and start living your life how you really want it to be!

Let me know what you think.  Lois@UnshackledLeadership.com 

Leadership Tip - Blinders Off!

Have you ever been in a meeting or a conversation with someone who was ready to die on a sword to prove they were right?  No matter what anyone said, they stuck to their point, insisting they were right?  Actually, to delve a little deeper, have you ever done this yourself? 

Being right is the greatest human passion.  The ego loves it when we’re willing to do anything to be right.  This shows up in personal relationships, in work relationships and even globally. The problem with “being right” is that we have to have made others “wrong” so we be right. 

Last week I talked about the 10 elements, spelled out in Unshackled Leadership, that must be included to have a true partnership relationship in business.  One of those was “No Righteousness”.  If you’re making others wrong so you can be right, this destroys relationships.  There is no partnership. Teamwork goes down the drain.  Productivity goes down. This shows up on teams as fighting, pettiness, lack of enthusiasm, reduced productivity and sometimes, even sabotage.  And the saddest thing of all is that the person who wants to be right is not happy. Being right and being happy cannot coexist.  Would you rather be right or happy? 

As a leader, you need to take your blinders off to see what’s really going on.  True partnership relationships operate in a distinct way.  Team members are willing to give up their positions, their opinions, their firm beliefs and their need to be right in order to reach consensus and see what works best for the whole, the greater good.  Teams with true partnership relationships take their blinders off, see others opinions and listen considering every point of view.  People attempt to reach consensus, leaving nobody out, win/win.  People in partnerships are more committed to the company’s success than to their own position.  When teams operate this way, they are happy and productive.  The results are reflected in the success of the company.

Go to our website, www.UnshackledLeaderhip.com for more great leadership tips.  Take your blinders off and see what new ideas and resources you can find to take your team to the next level.

Leadership Success Tip: Name It to Claim It

Having trouble getting what you want?  You’re not alone!  Many people are frustrated and scratching their head wondering why they aren’t getting what they want.

The problem is, many people don’t know what they want.  If a genie popped out of a bottle to grant a wish, most people would stutter, stammer and not be sure what to ask for.  If you cannot name what you want with great specificity, the chances of you claiming it are slim.  Actually, most people are better at describing what they don’t want than what they want.

Lack of clarity about what you want leads to indecision, inaction, and, ultimately, results you don’t want.  It’s like driving a car to an unknown destination.  Not knowing what you want is a problem for several reasons.  If you don’t know what you want, you can’t ask or intend you have it.  You reduce the chances of getting it or even knowing if it was right under your nose.

Begin thinking about what you really want.  Allow yourself the time to do this.  We often get so “busy” with doing “stuff”, we don’t stop to think about what we really want.  So take some time.  Name it so you can claim it!

Ask yourself the following questions; answer in great detail:

• What is it that I really want?
• What will it look like when I have it?
• What will it feel like when I have it?
• What will I be doing behaviorally when I have it?
• Who am I doing it with?
• Where will I be doing it?
• How will my life be different from the way it is now when I have it?
• What would I have to change or overcome to get it?
• What would success look like if I got it?

Naming what you truly want means that you can begin to guide your life like a ship toward a harbor light because you have specifically identified it.  Be sure to focus on the feelings underneath what you want.  Often what we want is the feelings of having something rather that the object, the job, the relationship itself.  Being keyed into this will help you better describe what you want.   Enjoy the process.  Name it so you can claim it!

What's Holding You Back?

Do you ever think about doing something, then you don’t do it?  Do you ever say you’re going to do something, then you don’t do it?  What’s going on?  Do you start listening to that pesky voice in your head that says things to you that result in fear, worry, anxiety or doubt? 

Your thoughts are being taken over with ideas like:

-That won’t work, so why even try.

-What if I screw it up?

-I’m not smart enough, good enough, etc.

-What if…..

What’s that about? 

A popular acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.  Another one is Failure Expected And Received.  Either way, your thoughts are creating havoc for you.  The thoughts and accompanying emotions of fear, worry, anxiety and doubt are what's holding you back. 

What can you do about it?

REFRAME, REFOCUS, REPOSITION

Take control of your thoughts rather than letting them controll you. 

REFRAME

Focus on something that is fearful to you. Let’s say you’re afraid of public speaking. In a quiet place, take a few deep breaths and write out a description of yourself being confident and empowered as you face and move through this fearful situation.   Now close your eyes and use our imagination to see yourself in front of the audience, calmly presenting your talk, even enjoying yourself.  The audience applauds.  You were successful!

REFOCUS

When you become aware that you’re feeling fearful, think about one of the FEAR acronyms I mentioned earlier as a way to intervene in your automatic fear response. Worry, anxiety and doubt are really sub categories of fear so these techniques apply to all of them.  Refocus by asking yourself:

-When I’m feeling _________ I am believing __________.

-What would I like to have happen in this situation? What is my desired result?

-What is my next step?  Listen and take action. 

REPOSITION

This is a simple technique that can slow down or break the state of emotions that are escalating.  Change your physical position or location.  If you’re sitting down, stand up and walk around.  Change locations. Go for a walk.  Call a trusted friend or coach.

Let go of what’s holding you back.  REFRAME, REFOCUS, REPOSITION and you will soar!