Complaints: another ego game

What’s not normally seen, and why persistent complaints is an ego game, is that in every case, where you have a persistent complaint, you get a payoff and there is a cost. So it looks like the reason you are complaining is that you want whatever it is that you are complaining about to stop, or change, or whatever. But that never happens. And you keep complaining. So the fact of the matter is that’s not really what you want. You want the payoff associated with the complaint.

What are these payoffs? Here are some of them: you get to be right about whatever it is you are complaining about and/or make someone else wrong. You get to validate yourself and/or invalidate someone else.

Since you don’t really take action on your complaint, you settle for complaining, you get to play safe and avoid the risk associated with confronting the issue. And, of course, you get to blame others for the situation and avoid taking responsibility.

Sound like fun? Can you get that you do this?

So the situation continues, you keep complaining, and what you get are these payoffs, and it’s the payoffs that keep you addicted to the game, even though there is a huge cost, which the ego delights in you paying. What are the costs?

You end up feeling like a victim, at the effect of somebody else’s behavior, powerless and frustrated. What’s the possibility of genuine joy and satisfaction when you feel like a victim? None, nada, zilch.

Is there a solution? For sure. What comes to mind is the Serenity Prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

In other words, if you can deal with the situation you are complaining about, deal with it. Confront the issue or the person, take action, and do your best to get the situation resolved. If you can’t, just accept the situation and move on. Stay happy, stay joyous, stay in a place of peace, and take back your power from your ego.